Every once in a while, if this hasn't be ingrained in you, you question two things What am I doing here? and Where do I belong?

The former is what people would call your purpose and the latter is your community. The purpose of your existence is something you generally discover.

I use the word discover on purpose because that is what usually happens, some event or events transpire and your reaction to those events hint at what is your purpose.

I have found my purpose in the world. I have a set of skills, mostly programming related, and I have a passion for video games.

Video games mean a lot of to me, I grew up with them, Kingdom Hearts kept me accompanied through some stuff in my younger years. Devil May Cry gave me a bond with a childhood friend whom I love dearly who later went on to be the cause of essentially my solitude.

What I most struggle with is belonging. I don't feel I belong anywhere or any community.

I thought I found my people at my current job yet I realized everyone had their own circle and I was outside of them. I thought I belonged to communities online yet I was just at the outer circles of those.

Its painful to discover that you do not belong anywhere, suicidal thoughts galore and depression are a constant in the background. Like operating system services they don't go away, sometimes they get scheduled in the forefront and take up all the CPU time essentially deadlocking the entire system, other times they are non-existent.

I don't want to give in to them, I haven't so far, I want to be here, I want to belong.